Don't get this wrong, Style Zodiac STILL AND WILL ALWAYS BE a fashion blog, but it's nice to surrender myself for a while and deal with my emotions through writing - the one thing I'm still so desperately trying to unfold. This is what makes me calm and distracts me from doing something much more stupid than this.
I remember you sitting at the middle of the classroom with your head always slightly veering towards the side. I remember your white ankle-high socks brushing against your plump legs while listening to our love lorn teacher. haha So many feels for a 5 year old. haha. I remember feeling the first taste of jealousy when another girl from another class looked for you during lunch time. Oh she had the nicest, straightest black hair and had the milkiest skin. And there was me, a chubby, pony-tailed girl with stains all over her uniform.
I later found out she was your cousin, and eventually became part of my clique in high school. So much for kismet. But what I can't definitely forget was the time you fixed the contents of my bag when they all fell while I was busy talking to my seatmate. You happened to pass by and extended your hand to help me. In my mind doubtless, that was the first time I felt KILIG. I knew my cheeks were as red as my scrunchy. I hurriedly turned away and never got the chance to thank you. So now, I want to thank you First Crush for helping me. And for bringing out all those first time emotions for the little kid that I was. :)
2. TO THE TEACHER WHO ENCOURAGED THE 8-YEAR OLD ME TO START WRITING
It's been 13 years since I last saw you. Right now, I can see you having a wonderful family, loved by your beautiful children and a doting husband. I bet your life is semi-perfect.
I don't know if you still remember me, but back in the day, my childhood best friend and I used to write about fairy tales in your class. You taught us how to excel on it and placed your confidence on us. You are as they say, the stimulant to all of this -- the root of of my lifelong habitude for writing, for poems, for beautiful creations. You have instilled in me the value of self-discovery, at such a young age. And I want to thank you. My child hood best friend, for all we know, may still be writing too. Or creating something beautiful wherever she is now. :)
The last time we saw each other was in 2010(?). I was on my way to Draco's while you were outside Boyztrek hanging out with your friends. I saw you and I think you saw me too. I distinctly remember texting you about seeing you that day. I can't recall if you said you saw me but I think you did. haha I'll just assume you did. LOL.
I think a lot of people already knew. About the incident in 2008. I won't go into specific details because it entails a lot of emotions and scolding from my parents for sure. But yes, it involved you and your family and how you all took care of me during Christmas Eve. I was spiraling downwards yet you lifted me up. You have a wonderful family and I'm really happy to see you in love right now. You deserve that. :)
Oh hello there. I recall you're painting the bricks in your backyard as of late. We've been communicating again and I'm in bliss (although what we really talk about are pure nonsensical things -- which I am definitely not complaining geez, just saying). Where can I even begin to describe my world with you?
You know that feeling of pure blessedness? That unmistakable sense of joy -- not just fleeting happiness. That experience so touching you can't help but shed tears? It seems that I only get to experience that with you.
It seems like it's been years since I last talked to you. But why will I? You're a stranger.
You have lost my confidence. We're leading different lives. I do not know you but I can see you from afar. I hope Mr. Stranger, that you pick yourself up from the dusts of the past. Sometimes I see you staring blankly and sometimes I see you laugh with your friends. But what really resonated was the feeling of "LACUNA" - a blank space whenever we're in the same room.. There's just this heavy feeling I get whenever I know you're there. Were we friends in our past lives? Did we have fun on those moments? Because I see you and I become lost again. It's like you know something that I don't.
But Mr. Stranger I hope you don't find this funny. We both know well enough not to hurt each other. Maybe I belonged to you in some time long past. Whenever you're there I get the feeling of euphoria and nostalgia at the same time. I don't know why we're here. And I don't really want to know. I do not talk to strangers.