Saturday, August 10, 2013

An Open Letter To The 7 People Who..

I guess this will be the very first time I'll be writing about something I've been too chicken to discuss. The fact of the matter is, I'll be talking about people who have 
put me where I am today. ( I'll exclude my parents and God because they're already foretold). And not just about people but the feelings, experiences and other worldly and UNWORLDLY things I've learned from them. One of which, might be you. :)

Don't get this wrong, Style Zodiac STILL AND WILL ALWAYS BE a fashion blog, but it's nice to surrender myself for a while and deal with my emotions through writing - the one thing I'm still so desperately trying to unfold. This is what makes me calm and distracts me from doing something much more stupid than this. 


Dear First Crush, 

I remember you sitting at the middle of the classroom with your head always slightly veering towards the side. I remember your white ankle-high socks brushing against your plump legs while listening to our love lorn teacher. haha So many feels for a 5 year old. haha. I remember feeling the first taste of jealousy when another girl from another class looked for you during lunch time. Oh she had the nicest, straightest black hair and had the milkiest skin. And there was me, a chubby, pony-tailed girl with stains all over her uniform. 

 I later found out she was your cousin, and eventually became part of my clique in high school. So much for kismet. But what I can't definitely forget was the time you fixed the contents of my bag when they all fell while I was busy talking to my seatmate. You happened to pass by and extended your hand to help me. In my mind doubtless, that was the first time I felt KILIG. I knew my cheeks were as red as my scrunchy. I hurriedly turned away and never got the chance to thank you. So now, I want to thank you First Crush for helping me. And for bringing out all those first time emotions for the little kid that I was. :)


Dear Miss, 

      It's been 13 years since I last saw you. Right now, I can see you having a wonderful family, loved by your beautiful children and a doting husband. I bet your life is semi-perfect. 

       I don't know if you still remember me, but back in the day, my childhood best friend and I used to write about fairy tales in your class. You taught us how to excel on it and placed your confidence on us. You are as they say, the stimulant to all of this -- the root of of my lifelong habitude for writing, for poems, for beautiful creations. You have instilled in me the value of self-discovery, at such a young age. And I want to thank you. My child hood best friend, for all we know, may still be writing too. Or creating something beautiful wherever she is now. :)


Dear Persons/Creatures, 

 High school was a pretty tough ride for me because of you. You and your friends. By now, I should have already moved on. I shouldn't even write about you. I shouldn't even think one iota of you. I don't want to thank you neither. I just want to tell you that I'm doing fine now. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm less of a dysfunctional girl now than I was in high school. I'm feeling darn good that you're all not doing so well.  I guess Glutathione isn't working out for you? A typical mind of a schadenfreude but well, karma is as they say, a _____. And I'm fine with that.


Dear Bubb, (that's what we called each other before)

The last time we saw each other was in 2010(?). I was on my way to Draco's while you were outside Boyztrek hanging out with your friends. I saw you and I think you saw me too. I distinctly remember texting you about seeing you that day. I can't recall if you said you saw me but I think you did. haha I'll just assume you did. LOL.

I think a lot of people already knew. About the incident in 2008. I won't go into specific details because it entails a lot of emotions and scolding from my parents for sure. But yes, it involved you and your family and  how you all took care of me during Christmas Eve. I was spiraling downwards yet you lifted me up. You have a wonderful family and I'm really happy to see you in love right now. You deserve that. :)

And well, although it didn't work out between the two of us, I'm glad we're still friends. I knew while I was in the relationship, that it was all infatuation, the idea of you being my big brother delighted me more. It was all worth it. 


Dear Miss Snow Queen, 

With the porcelain skin, cheeky smile and affectionate personality, you still somewhat surprise me every now and then. No one really knows you except for the people you entrust you life with. I'd like to say I'm one of them. We've been inseparable since Day 1 of June 1997, since Day 1 of  2004 and up until the this day. We've fought, said mean things to one another during 2006, had your boyfriend by 2007, had your heart broken by 2008 and loved again by 2009. You went to Narnia by 2012 and I can't wait to see you again this year. You are my snow queen, the one who pushes the envelope, the one who I can lose myself for a while, the one whom I call bestfriend. :)


Dear First Love, 

Oh hello there. I recall you're painting the bricks in your backyard as of late. We've been communicating again and I'm in bliss (although what we really talk about are pure nonsensical things -- which I am definitely not complaining geez, just saying). Where can I even begin to describe my world with you?

You know that feeling of pure blessedness? That unmistakable sense of joy -- not just fleeting happiness. That experience so touching you can't help but shed tears? It seems that I only get to experience that with you. 

We know each other too much, it's quite scary. We finish each other's sentences, know each other's table manners, know when someone's hungry and cranky. It's unbelievable how we've remained good friends after every shiteous adjective has been described about us. You are such a blessing. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why this, why me" in every moment with you, be it in good times and bad times. And now as you paint the bricks in your backyard, and we talk about the nonsensical things, like it's nothing at all,  I still think about all the wonderful things tied up to you. I really do think you are a miracle. 


Dear Stranger, 

    It seems like it's been years since I last talked to you. But why will I? You're a stranger. 
You have lost my confidence. We're leading different lives. I do not know you but I can see you from afar. I hope Mr. Stranger, that you pick yourself up from the dusts of the past. Sometimes I see you staring blankly and sometimes I see you laugh with your friends. But what really resonated was the feeling of "LACUNA" - a blank space whenever we're in the same room.. There's just this heavy feeling I get whenever I know you're there. Were we friends in our past lives? Did we have fun on those moments?  Because I see you and I become lost again. It's like you know something that I don't. 

   But Mr. Stranger I hope you don't find this funny. We both know well enough not to hurt each other. Maybe I belonged to you in some time long past. Whenever you're there I get the feeling of euphoria and nostalgia at the same time. I don't know why we're here. And I don't really want to know. I do not talk to strangers. 


1 comment:

  1. This is really interesting. :) BTW, I checked out METANOIA shop and it was lovely! do you operate it? I'm looking forward to more items in your shop, i might just order one! :)