Saturday, May 11, 2013


Mango blazer | G2000 top | Forever 21 hat and leggings
Topshop wedge sneakers

WARNING: I will be very emotional in this blog entry of mine. A friend made me wake up to these insights and these thoughts deserve a write-up - well, by mere assumptions, but I really THINK I should write about it, for the purpose of:

1. If you know me, really, really well (if you're a) Chelsea Aranton b) my ex c) Wilson d)other persons who know me too well), then you don't have to read this. Skip this post and go to the other sections of our blog. Teehee. 

2. If you THINK you know me, read my story, 'cause I'm pretty sure you all made your short shrifts about me. This would be the premise to your stand. It will be my honor if you read this.

3. If you don't know me, well, I suppose you haven't made your "judgment", read this by all means. Please understand that I'm not the best writer and I try too hard to be good at it so stay for a while and know my story. 

         I remember not being particularly liked in highschool - even up until now I assume; okay maybe more in high school. If you ask me now, I would have hated high-school-Pat as well. I was what you call, a catty, malicious, bitchy and overbearing girl. I'm still somewhat bitchy though; moments to each of her own. I never backed down any fight back then, I didn't care so much if they were on the right side of the game or not. I was very mean, every year I was involved in petty fights between absolute strangers, people who don't even know me, (are you listening number 2?). But being a catty, malicious, bitchy and overbearing girl was never my ambition. Something triggered that side of me and I think about these people every now and then.

         One time ( I was in my third year), while walking in the canteen with my friends, a seemingly "scrupulous" older girl stared at me intensely. I became really conscious. Wtf. Why is she giving me nasty looks now? What did I do to her? I don't even give a shit load of care about her. Apparently, she was saying to her friends how "buki" I looked with my floral blouse and laughed at me. What she didn't know was that my father gave me that blouse as his birthday gift to me -- and that hurt me pretty badly.  I didn't understand the level of cruelty some people have at that time. She continued to torment me for the rest of the school year but I learned not to back down and I never let her show my low points. Before, I wondered if her father even has the time of the day to find the perfect gift for her, with all the money they have I say he doesn't. She could shop whatever she wanted but the feeling of getting a very special gift, that your father personally picked and took the time from his busy schedule, is a thing I will always get hopeful for and something I wish she could have experienced.

        You see, I'm very sensitive, I get hurt quite easily. Bu I'm also very transparent and you would know if I get hurt. High school made me realize that people would mind pulling you down -- for whatever reason that is. Some of the people I had altercations with are now my good friends, can you believe that? Yes, even my blog partner Wilson. We weren't in the same zone back then; blame it on the catty, malicious, bitchy and overbearing girl that I became. I would always hold my guard against everyone. It's as if school was a battleground and everyone else were my enemies. Didn't surprise me when recently, a friend of mine said, "sira na man talaga reputation mo sa mga kaibigan ko. High school pa lang" (my friends said you have a bad reputation since high school). I guess he said that in the most bona fide way possible, but because I'm the most notoriously sensitive girl, I cried myself to sleep without him knowing. 

       If only people knew what I've been through. I like to think of myself as a very strong person, but amidst the knowledge of everyone, I have put up this bitchy facade to hide away every weakness I have inside. Sometimes I would find myself inside the wash room cubicle crying just so that I would feel okay afterwards. 

      I never wanted to have a tarnished reputation, I mean, who does? I can only fend for myself. If that's what people have spoken, so be it. I learned how not care anymore for as long as I know I've outgrown high-school-pat-with-so-much-angst. I'm very stable now. I know what I want. When I'm wrong, I try my best to be humble and owe up to my mistakes. I say sorry now. But when I know that I'm in the good side of things, I still don't back down. That's the thing I could never defeat- myself when I am for sure, 100% right.

     Don't get me wrong, I'm not the most righteous person and I still can't stand people who pretend to be one -- cussing out everything wrong about me while doing the exact same things. Cough* hypocrites cough. The great old, medieval adage says, "Eat your shit" is true in every sense of the word.

After a few years of intense havoc, I'm finally here. Still somewhat bitchy and prideful at times but yeah, who's perfect again? But I'm so darn happy at where I am now. All the pain and drama in high school taught me well enough on how live in the real world. I thank the Lord for the blessings, my family and my friends who have stayed with me for such a long time despite my shortcomings.

Part of the blessings is Fashion Blog TV, a semi-reality and lifestyle program that I will be a part of. I'm really, really excited about this project. I can't wait to see it on Sky Cable!

Here's a sneak peek of our taping two weeks ago:


 Seeing the pictures, suddenly, all the pain in high school seems like a blur to me now. Maybe I did something good to deserve this. Who knows? :)

a.k.a a former catty, malicious, still somewhat bitchy; not anymore an overbearing girl but truly blessed and loves her friends, family and blogging. :)


  1. I think this is a very honest post, i hope it feels good to get these thoughts off your chest. writing does help a lot :D

    1. Thank you Jacqueline. It's a very good volume, and it really does feel good. :)

  2. Pat i love this post of yours! maka relate ako! :) you are very inspiring thru your words! :)

  3. Hey Pat.
    We're not friends but I've seen you around in high school. They used to say that you're unreasonable and is often over-the-top, but somehow I saw you as someone with helluva strong personality. Not everyone from high school thinks that you're catty or malicious or bitchy or overbearing :)